This seems to be the week for everyone to ask me strange questions about my sex life.

First dad met some of my friends and whispered to me,

"Which one are you sleeping with?"

Next

My new girl wants to know if I will allow her to record my voice for phone sex so she can play it when I'm sleep. (ah..NO!)

And

Today one of my students asked me if I have sex.

People go have your own sex and leave mine alone!

Now I understand when dudes say women talk too much.
I totally get it!
I wanna say "Shut up woman"
"Just "SHUT UP!"
Do we have to talk about everything?
Do we have to OVER ANALYZE EVERYTHING?
Why can't we just eat dinner, f*ck and go to bed?
Is that sh*t SOOOOO hard?
ARGH!
JUST SHUT UP!

Nooooo! That's not good enough. She wants me to say how I feel, but ONLY if I feel like saying how I feel. Only if it comes from the heart, but she would really like me to say something nice from the heart...but only if I feel like saying something nice...

Argh!

This is from the heart, "SHUT UP!"

In most cases I'm good at requesting (some would say demanding) what I want.
So I asked for something from her. Being the person that she is she gave it to me.
Now I realize I don't want it.
oops! I got confused.
Now what?
Change the rules in the middle of the game?
That makes things terribly awkward and then what does it mean if such a large element of us is not permitted because I suddenly grew a conscience?
I gotta sort this out.

So I learned a new trick from my best friend:
Act dumb around parents and they will do everything for you. It worked the 1st day..mom and dad made my whole breakfast! They even packed it in a little box for me to take to work. SWEET!

But I guess I missed some rules of the trick because now they wouldn't even let me boil an egg. I had to get a lecture for my dad about how long the egg should boil followed by a lecture from my mom about how much water to put in the pot.

My Mother: "You need to cover the egg with water to boil it"

My Father: "It's done you've let it boil too long." See if it spins on it's tip it's done"

My Mother: "Can you believe she can't boil an egg?"

My Father: "You wasting water only boiling 1 egg"

My Mother: " How do you normally eat?"

That's what I get for playin' dumb...can't be trusted to boil my own egg!

Great news for today:

I started my fantasy football team today! YES!

AND

I'm gonna graduate next semester! haha! go me!

ok, ok, so Nyquil needs a chaser.

It's so baaaad!

I tried soy chocolate milk..thick and chocolate tasting...thought it would be like a cherry chocolate delite or something..riiiight

Not bad tasting..but damn my stomach hurts now.

It seemed like a good idea at the time....

Went to my first card party!(it wasn't mine)

I've been wanting to organize a weekly poker party forever!!
I've just had a few fatal obstacles:
I don't know how to play poker
and
I don't have a group of friends to invite.
umph!
Well, a girl can always dream.

My hair smells like an ashtray
YUCK!
and I stayed out too late to get up and take that test...oops!
But
I had fun!

She continues to remind me of that old saying
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"

But does the person taking the free milk have some kind of moral obligation to pay? or even offer to pay?

Isn't that somehow bad karma?

Can I just say I'm tired of waiting until 9pm to talk..I mean really. If I go over in minutes she'll chop me into little pieces and use them to fertilize the football field. Guess I'll go watch t.v.

So I fell asleep on her bed. Not because I was so comfortable being there with her..NO because I was drunk! When I woke at 4am I tip-toed out the front door. She's now pissed at me and I guess we're not talking anymore. Seems a little dramatic for my taste and I'm not really understanding what I've done wrong.

YOU SNORE! I couldn't deal with it, I left, now GET OVER IT!

In other news, my father won't admit to throwing out my CD. He still claims he left it in the glove compartment. But he did admit to throwing it around because he didn't feel like it was something I would listen to and thought it belonged to one of my many girlfriends.(I wish I had many girlfriends) All these years he still doesn't know me. And the CD remains lost.Damnit!

I'm still upset about my CD. My father just ASSumed that because he was putting breaks on my car that he could throw out one of my fucking CDs. What the fuck! You don't mess with a person's cd's it's just RUDE!
It's the 11th commandment:

And God said " Don't fuck with other people's CDs or DVDs either."
Yeah!
And if my dad wasn't paying for the break job... I woulda..well whatever!

Selfish mutha fucka showed up at my house last night talkin bout
take her to dinner.
What da fuck! Why don't you have the bitch that left those hickeys on your neck take you to dinner? How bout' them apples!

Nah, I'm not mad. I'm furious!

All I gotta say is what goes around comes around. And FUCK YOU!!!

I'm officially single!
My blanket doesn't have to be neatly folded and placed on the sofa
I don't have to wait to shower
I can toss and turn in the bed ALLLL night without waking her up
and
I can even wake up at 2am and vacuum,if my little heart desires.

yep, now it's time for me to plan my SUMMER OF LOOOVE

I know why they ask for free stuff

I know why they drink 'drink' instead of juice

I even know why they play the lotto on a consistent basis


But I was just wondering....

Is there a reason why ghetto people cuss at and around their children????

So the trash is full in the kitchen. The bathroom needs sweeping and the dishes need to be put away.

My girlfriend says to me "Do some chores!"

and I say,

"Why can't you take out the trash?"

and she says,

"You're the one who is unemployed! That means I pay the bills and it means you have to clean the house."

I almost went along with the barbaric logic until she said,

"And you also need to iron my shirts!"

I was like WHAT?

I didn't realize I was married to Fred Flintstone!

I didn't go to work today because I was avoiding being fired! haha! The latest I could make my body sleep until was 8am, so I picked up the remote and hit the Guide button. WOW! I couldn't believe it MTV was actually showing videos! I had to turn just to check it out, it must have been a reporting error. There it was a Mary J Beige video! Of course I watched it on mute because I can't stand R&B..but it was about the principal. I watched videos today! I'm not sure who does the programming for MTV but it seems strange to play videos at 8am and cheesy shows for the rest of the day on a MUSIC VIDEO channel...but whatever!

My boss called at 9, I didn't answer she was interrupting, the Prince video. She wanted to let me know that my letter of resignation was accepted but she wanted to make it effective for today. So I'm officially out of work now. hmmm...I wonder when I'll panic.

Finally got a new job!

Gotta figure out how to tell them that I need to be in school during the training times. Damn!
What to do ?

I'm so stressed that I couldn't sleep, now I'm just cranky about the whole thing.

You're a Wild Drunk

You can get enough drink. Seriously, you'll just go puke and start pounding them back again!

So maybe I shouldn't have had that last drink....

It was cold outside and my dumbass decided to run to the car. This normally works just fine but at some point my brain was running faster than my feet. I avoided a fall in front of a crowd of people,but I didn't avoid twisting my ankle!

Damn! I wanted to skip work today, but I really can't afford to do that. I managed to shower after several minutes of dry heaving, curled my hair and made it here only 10 minutes late. Most importantly I avoided getting a ticket. The cops were out this AM -BASTARDS!

I have to teach my 5th graders today. God help the kid that chats through my lesson. There will be no counting backward from 5..not today. I don't have the fucking patients!