Caught A Lite Sneeze

Let's talk about sex

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 02:20:53 GMT

This seems to be the week for everyone to ask me strange questions about my sex life.

First dad met some of my friends and whispered to me,

"Which one are you sleeping with?"

Next

My new girl wants to know if I will allow her to record my voice for phone sex so she can play it when I'm sleep. (ah..NO!)

And

Today one of my students asked me if I have sex.

People go have your own sex and leave mine alone!

Sometimes I think I should have been born a man!

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 13:18:16 GMT

Now I understand when dudes say women talk too much.
I totally get it!
I wanna say "Shut up woman"
"Just "SHUT UP!"
Do we have to talk about everything?
Do we have to OVER ANALYZE EVERYTHING?
Why can't we just eat dinner, f*ck and go to bed?
Is that sh*t SOOOOO hard?
ARGH!
JUST SHUT UP!

Nooooo! That's not good enough. She wants me to say how I feel, but ONLY if I feel like saying how I feel. Only if it comes from the heart, but she would really like me to say something nice from the heart...but only if I feel like saying something nice...

Argh!

This is from the heart, "SHUT UP!"

Be careful what you ask for...

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 03:09:21 GMT

In most cases I'm good at requesting (some would say demanding) what I want.
So I asked for something from her. Being the person that she is she gave it to me.
Now I realize I don't want it.
oops! I got confused.
Now what?
Change the rules in the middle of the game?
That makes things terribly awkward and then what does it mean if such a large element of us is not permitted because I suddenly grew a conscience?
I gotta sort this out.

I don't even LIKE eggs

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 02:36:21 GMT

So I learned a new trick from my best friend:
Act dumb around parents and they will do everything for you. It worked the 1st day..mom and dad made my whole breakfast! They even packed it in a little box for me to take to work. SWEET!

But I guess I missed some rules of the trick because now they wouldn't even let me boil an egg. I had to get a lecture for my dad about how long the egg should boil followed by a lecture from my mom about how much water to put in the pot.

My Mother: "You need to cover the egg with water to boil it"

My Father: "It's done you've let it boil too long." See if it spins on it's tip it's done"

My Mother: "Can you believe she can't boil an egg?"

My Father: "You wasting water only boiling 1 egg"

My Mother: " How do you normally eat?"

That's what I get for playin' dumb...can't be trusted to boil my own egg!

haha!

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 03:33:29 GMT

Great news for today:

I started my fantasy football team today! YES!

AND

I'm gonna graduate next semester! haha! go me!

It seemed like a good idea at the time

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 07:11:45 GMT

ok, ok, so Nyquil needs a chaser.

It's so baaaad!

I tried soy chocolate milk..thick and chocolate tasting...thought it would be like a cherry chocolate delite or something..riiiight

Not bad tasting..but damn my stomach hurts now.

It seemed like a good idea at the time....

but I had fun

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 15:30:44 GMT

Went to my first card party!(it wasn't mine)

I've been wanting to organize a weekly poker party forever!!
I've just had a few fatal obstacles:
I don't know how to play poker
and
I don't have a group of friends to invite.
umph!
Well, a girl can always dream.

EWWW

Thu, 25 May 2006 00:55:14 GMT

My hair smells like an ashtray
YUCK!
and I stayed out too late to get up and take that test...oops!
But
I had fun!

And she says...

Thu, 18 May 2006 16:11:55 GMT

She continues to remind me of that old saying
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"

But does the person taking the free milk have some kind of moral obligation to pay? or even offer to pay?

Isn't that somehow bad karma?

T Mobile

Wed, 17 May 2006 22:41:32 GMT

Can I just say I'm tired of waiting until 9pm to talk..I mean really. If I go over in minutes she'll chop me into little pieces and use them to fertilize the football field. Guess I'll go watch t.v.

Cry me a river

Wed, 17 May 2006 00:59:58 GMT

So I fell asleep on her bed. Not because I was so comfortable being there with her..NO because I was drunk! When I woke at 4am I tip-toed out the front door. She's now pissed at me and I guess we're not talking anymore. Seems a little dramatic for my taste and I'm not really understanding what I've done wrong.

YOU SNORE! I couldn't deal with it, I left, now GET OVER IT!

In other news, my father won't admit to throwing out my CD. He still claims he left it in the glove compartment. But he did admit to throwing it around because he didn't feel like it was something I would listen to and thought it belonged to one of my many girlfriends.(I wish I had many girlfriends) All these years he still doesn't know me. And the CD remains lost.Damnit!

Can I get a witness!

Fri, 12 May 2006 13:45:59 GMT

I'm still upset about my CD. My father just ASSumed that because he was putting breaks on my car that he could throw out one of my fucking CDs. What the fuck! You don't mess with a person's cd's it's just RUDE!
It's the 11th commandment:

And God said " Don't fuck with other people's CDs or DVDs either."
Yeah!
And if my dad wasn't paying for the break job... I woulda..well whatever!

Stupid Bitch

Mon, 08 May 2006 21:49:25 GMT

Selfish mutha fucka showed up at my house last night talkin bout
take her to dinner.
What da fuck! Why don't you have the bitch that left those hickeys on your neck take you to dinner? How bout' them apples!

Nah, I'm not mad. I'm furious!

All I gotta say is what goes around comes around. And FUCK YOU!!!

It's officical

Tue, 02 May 2006 21:32:35 GMT

I'm officially single!
My blanket doesn't have to be neatly folded and placed on the sofa
I don't have to wait to shower
I can toss and turn in the bed ALLLL night without waking her up
and
I can even wake up at 2am and vacuum,if my little heart desires.

yep, now it's time for me to plan my SUMMER OF LOOOVE

But I was just wondering

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 03:01:26 GMT

I know why they ask for free stuff

I know why they drink 'drink' instead of juice

I even know why they play the lotto on a consistent basis

But I was just wondering....

Is there a reason why ghetto people cuss at and around their children????

Iron my shirts

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 00:05:25 GMT

So the trash is full in the kitchen. The bathroom needs sweeping and the dishes need to be put away.

My girlfriend says to me "Do some chores!"

and I say,

"Why can't you take out the trash?"

and she says,

"You're the one who is unemployed! That means I pay the bills and it means you have to clean the house."

I almost went along with the barbaric logic until she said,

"And you also need to iron my shirts!"

I was like WHAT?

I didn't realize I was married to Fred Flintstone!

Your letter of resignation is effective for today

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 22:31:54 GMT

I didn't go to work today because I was avoiding being fired! haha! The latest I could make my body sleep until was 8am, so I picked up the remote and hit the Guide button. WOW! I couldn't believe it MTV was actually showing videos! I had to turn just to check it out, it must have been a reporting error. There it was a Mary J Beige video! Of course I watched it on mute because I can't stand R&B..but it was about the principal. I watched videos today! I'm not sure who does the programming for MTV but it seems strange to play videos at 8am and cheesy shows for the rest of the day on a MUSIC VIDEO channel...but whatever!

My boss called at 9, I didn't answer she was interrupting, the Prince video. She wanted to let me know that my letter of resignation was accepted but she wanted to make it effective for today. So I'm officially out of work now. hmmm...I wonder when I'll panic.

Stress

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 12:55:13 GMT

Finally got a new job!

Gotta figure out how to tell them that I need to be in school during the training times. Damn!
What to do ?

I'm so stressed that I couldn't sleep, now I'm just cranky about the whole thing.

hell, it was something to do

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 12:21:11 GMT

You're a Wild Drunk

You can get enough drink. Seriously, you'll just go puke and start pounding them back again!

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Roll with the big dogs

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 11:36:43 GMT

So maybe I shouldn't have had that last drink....

It was cold outside and my dumbass decided to run to the car. This normally works just fine but at some point my brain was running faster than my feet. I avoided a fall in front of a crowd of people,but I didn't avoid twisting my ankle!

Damn! I wanted to skip work today, but I really can't afford to do that. I managed to shower after several minutes of dry heaving, curled my hair and made it here only 10 minutes late. Most importantly I avoided getting a ticket. The cops were out this AM -BASTARDS!

I have to teach my 5th graders today. God help the kid that chats through my lesson. There will be no counting backward from 5..not today. I don't have the fucking patients!

Tribute to my weight

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 13:38:55 GMT

I was originally gonna give a recap of the last 4 months, but um.. I've changed my mind. And I have the right to do that..

In September I decided to take a break from my normal eating habits. I thought they were driving me crazy, so I stopped counting calories and fat and I stopped forcing myself to exercise. (I HATE EXERCISE!) I was so relieved! I ate whatever I wanted,when I wanted..life was good!

Well, now it's Febuary and I'm starting to think I made an awful decision. I've picked up 30 pounds! OUCH!

Here are the lovely situations I've had the pleasure of experiencing all because I decided to go on an eating frenzy:

Co-workers and classmates get to make comments like:

"Your hips are really wide."
"Are you picking up weight?"
and my FAVORITE!
"Your butt is REALLY BIG"

I REFUSE to buy bigger clothes so...

I'm often late to work because I stand in the closet hoping to find something to wear.

My pants ride above my ankles

My the buttons on my shirts don't quite cover my bra.

My shoes hurt my feet.(and I LOVE shoes)

My boss gets to "politely" say,

"I noticed you weren't dressed very professional today."
She's a bitch anyway..so FUCK HER! Like she dresses professional in her CHEAP ASS Wal-Mart suits. And her bad hair weave!

I'm ALWAYS HOT! especially when I drink alcohol! (very different for me because I'm usually always cold)

I can officially call myself a fat girl! That's comforting considering I've been on the border for the past few years. Yeah, now I fit in a box...a BIG BOX.

I WILL NOT shop at Lane Bryant DAMNIT!

Here's the moral of the story:

If you see me DON'T ASK about my weight!

Trust me I'm VERY AWARE of my FAT ASS! I KNOW!!!!

This thing is long!

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 14:36:07 GMT

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Sandi (with an I)
Birthday:	March 13th
Birthplace:	Atlanta, GA ( but don't tell anybody)
Current Location:	Atlanta, GA
Eye Color:	dark brown
Hair Color:	black...really black
Height:	short
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	American
The Shoes You Wore Today:	I love shoes! I wore several pair today
Your Weakness:	women
Your Fears:	allowing myself to get mentally old in age
Your Perfect Pizza:	haven't had a slice of pizza in years
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	JMW
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	wow!
Thoughts First Waking Up:	ewww..I need to brush my teeth
Your Best Physical Feature:	I dunno..what do you think?
Your Bedtime:	depends on who's joining me
Your Most Missed Memory:	back when I could sleep all day and party all night
Pepsi or Coke:	coke, baby I'm from the ATL
MacDonalds or Burger King:	ewww..not gonna happen
Single or Group Dates:	single..I'm an intravert (is that how to spell that?)
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	WATER (Dasani)
Chocolate or Vanilla:	I like my girls in all flavors
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Is it hot or cold outside?
Do you Smoke:	only when I drink
Do you Swear:	all the fucking time
Do you Sing:	in the shower
Do you Shower Daily:	ahh..yeah!
Have you Been in Love:	sigh yep...
Do you want to go to College:	I'm in school now
Do you want to get Married:	yep
Do you belive in yourself:	always..sometimes it's self distructive
Do you get Motion Sickness:	only on planes
Do you think you are Attractive:	sometimes..what day of the month is it?
Are you a Health Freak:	For the most part yes, but I eat junk too
Do you get along with your Parents:	I'm daddy's girl.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	oooh...yeeah
Do you play an Instrument:	the cello
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes, to get something to wear on the date..duh!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes
In the past month have you been on Stage:	humm...do you count the classroom?
In the past month have you been Dumped:	nope..phew!
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	nope never been skinny
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yuck! it's the worst feeling
Ever been called a Tease:	not to my face
Ever been Beaten up:	yep and I hate her
Ever Shoplifted:	They don't have me on tape
How do you want to Die:	without pain
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	loved
What country would you most like to Visit:	India
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	doesn't matter
Favourite Hair Color:	red..but I've yet to get one
Short or Long Hair:	short
Height:	not taller than 5'6
Weight:	as long as she's not bigger than me
Best Clothing Style:	just having style is enough
Number of Drugs I have taken:	I dunno...I was a teenager once
Number of CDs I own:	at least 100
Number of Piercings:	one now, not including my ears but I've had 4 others
Number of Tattoos:	6
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	none
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

You are christan... aren't you?????

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 12:33:51 GMT

That's what I get!

If my girlfriend were home she would have told me not to open the door because we weren't expecting company.

But I being the independent genius of the household just HAD to peek at my door knockers.

Two old white people starred at me through the peep hole.

I opened the door.

They said my name in unison and I jumped.

The old man welcomed me to the neighborhood, invited me over for dinner and gave me tickets to a church play.

They proceeded to give me a long speech about how great their church was and how much they'd enjoy my company at East something Baptist church.

The whole time I was thinking, "Now, see this is how people get killed."

I waited on either a large man to step from the corner and hit me over the head
or
One of friends to walk by pointing and laughing because this HAD TO BE JOKE!

Just as the old woman handed me the "holy package" of christan tickets and directions to the church,

she looked at me with piercing eyes and said, " You ARE christan AREN'T you?.....

I was like Oh shit! God is mocking me! This joke was from god and she/he is pointing and laughing at me....

What the fuck?

Monday Night

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 03:14:33 GMT

Got to spend time with my family today...turned out to be pretty entertaining. My favorite cousin came out to have breakfast with the family, usually he's way too practical to join us. Which is why I love him...the 2 of us together were like the 2 old guys on the Muppets...Peanut Gallery! My poor aunt forgot what jerks we can be together and tried to explain to us her new idea to replace steps.

My aunt: "Ya'll help me design something that can make steps into a ramp."

My cousin: " ah,let me see...don't they call that a ramp?"

Me: " ooh, ooh, I know...let's design sliced bread next!"

My aunt: " I hate when the 2 of you get together!"

Breakfast was good!

SMILES!

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 00:51:23 GMT

I'm SO EXCITED!

I made the Dean's list! wow! I wasn't even trying...